teachthedead.com

Published by Guido

Would you believe it if I told you that in 2010, there were five divorces for every 1000 marriages? This equates to roughly 25% of all divorced marriages with children will end up leaving that child with a “step” parent. The top two reasons for this are:

1. Irreconcilable differences
2. Sexual immorality.

While the range of why couples can be dis-satisfied runs from logical to completely irrational, too often we as Christians hone in on sexual trespasses. In fact, in this day and age, its so very common for a marriage to weather an affair (or two, or three…) and the taboo nature of an affair has largely been replaced by the comfort of an abortion. Sadly, US News and World Report claims that as of 2010, 1 out of ever 10 babies born in the US are NOT the result of that mothers husband.

What is going on here?

The bible, however doesn’t paint the most clear picture of how to deal with this; I know, I wish it did. We are left with a few archaic lines from Paul and Peter about the functions a wife and husband should dutifully be engaged in, but no where does the bible provide any comfort to the one who endures an affair. What we are left with, is what Jesus says and if we are not careful, we can interpret what he says incorrectly.

Mat 19:1 – And it came to pass, [that] when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan;
19:2 – And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there.
19:3 – The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
19:4 – And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,
19:5 – And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
19:6 – Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
19:7 – They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
19:8 – He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
19:9 – And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
19:10 – His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with [his] wife, it is not good to marry.

…because of the “hardness” of our hearts. At first read this statement actually angers me. What about the adulterer? Was not their heart already hardened? Study after study reiterates that affairs are the result of selfishness. In fact, a recent study of the top reasons why women have affairs concluded the number one reason why women cheat is that the act improves self esteem. With 80% of all American married partners both engaged in affairs it seems evident we have a self esteem problem or another way to see it, we think we are that important. Trust me, an affair can not only RUIN the spouses self-esteem (while the other is out on a quest to fluff theirs) but also permanently destroys the value of the marriage. There is no way to repair the lifelong pain except by staying faithful to Jesus.

In Matthew 19:9 Jesus uses two words for adultery – moichaō (μοιχάω) which is expressly (means only) to have unlawful sex/intercourse with another’s wife. If you have a King James, in 19:9 both times you see the phrase ‘committeth adultery’ that word comes from moichaō. However, more importantly I believe, is when Jesus says “…εἰ μὴ ἐπὶ πορνείᾳ” or EXCEPT it be for fornication. If we are not careful we can insert our own idea of what we think Christ would have said. His words are clear though, he uses the word ‘porneia’ (πορνεία). Porneia means, yes illicit sex to include homosexuality and sex with animals but also carries with it another meaning – the worship of idols.

Jesus took their question and tilted it a bit to make his point. Yes, adultery is a tough thing to deal with and because it will likely always be an earthly thorn in your side sure, separate, but you know what? While we’re at it, if your married and your spouse is putting their job or their sports or their other “idols” ahead of you, then you can too.

There could be months worth of articles on this topic from Teachthedead.com – I have read just about every worldly article, advise periodicals and at this point I’ve even had a question about affairs posted on a semi-major website/newspaper but in all that I have read and studied and searched, the bottomline is in what Jesus says in verse 6:

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.

In the end, we have to remember the beginning. God (like it or not) made the union. This is why even after you divorce God sees the individuals engaged in affair after affair until certain stipulations are met that in today’s society no longer happen. I can only speak to/for the victims of affairs, the kids and the significant other who kept themselves for their spouse faithful – perhaps now, you bring Christ into your marriage. Granted, from here on out, your marriage will never be the same – the other cannot know what its like to have the sleepless nights, fear of intimacy, fresh sores every time your spouse ignores the gracious nature of your forgiveness and puts you down. But while your spouse is oblivious, Christ is not. He knows, and by you not being the agent of ending your marriage, you are remaining faithful to what God joined together; you are following God’s will.

I have received a good handful of emails from people that I have spoken with regarding what I have and am still going through including what I am subject to each and everyday. A good portion of Teachthedead’s recent visitor-ship have been from people and readers I met while trying to console some gentlemen who were Christians going through the same thing. Its common to ask why and to grieve the loss of that part of your marriage (of course if you end the marriage then this wouldn’t apply to you) because you will never get it back. Today I want to encourage you that by remaining faithful to the INSTITUTION of marriage is something to be proud of and stand up for. While your significant other cannot possibly understand this (obviously as they engaged in blatant disregard for the institution) you MUST understand this – as a full understanding acts as an effective shield from the world that seeks and desires to SEPARATE man from woman, husband from wife.

Be different, honor the sacred institution you are already in and look at this horrible thing as perhaps a new motivation to give your love (that you had previously reserved for your husband or wife) solely to Christ and your kids if you have them. Christ is always eager to be in a relationship with you, he is always 100% faithful to you and he will always provide for you the affections your heart desires.

…after all, isnt that what we all wanted our marriages to be in the first place?

~ Until next time, God bless

Jan 13, 2012
Filed under: Uncategorized, adultry, affairs, cheating, married to christ